Relationship Counseling

Relationships are hard and when relationships aren’t working it can be agonizing. I’m passionate about helping clients be in healthy relationships and I use both Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Gottman Method in my practice. These are some of the common themes that come up in sessions: 

 

Conflict 

The goal of relationship counseling isn’t to get rid of all conflict, but it’s to learn how to argue and disagree while being on the same team instead of tearing each other down. This starts with slowing down the conflict and figuring out what the attachment need is underlying the argument. From there you can ask for what you need in a way that really helps you be heard and seen. 

Couples have told me I feel like we’re close even when we’re fighting and we don’t fall apart after. 

 

Building Connection

The most satisfying relationships start with friendship and the feeling of “I like this person.” But life is wild and most of us are really busy, which can lead to our partners feeling more like a roommate or stranger. I use evidence based techniques to increase friendship, create secure bonds, and increase play in relationships. 

Couples have told me I feel like I’ve gotten my partner back. We have fun again. 

 

Attachment / Stopping Unhealthy Relationship Cycles 

The fact of it is some clients were blessed with parents and caregivers who were loving, caring, and safe, and some clients had caretakers that were not able to provide safety and love. The relationships that were modeled for us as kids affect how we interact in relationships now. Sometimes we find ourselves repeating patterns that we know aren’t healthy but we don’t know how to stop the cycle. I use both Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Gottman method to help clients understand attachment styles and needs. I assist clients in exploring their unique relationship patterns with their partner and creating new relationship patterns that create feelings of safety, love, and connection. 

Couples have told me I understand myself and my partner better. I get how we work and I know how to ask for what I really need. 

 

Trauma 

Depending on which expert you read, unresolved trauma nearly always involves attachment wounds of betrayal, neglect, abuse, or indifference. I work with couples to understand the affect trauma has on their relationships, increase feelings of safety and connection in the relationship, and resolve trauma by meeting attachment needs.

Couples have told me I didn’t want to tell my partner about my past because I didn’t want them to think badly about me. But now that they know I feel seen. 

 

Betrayal / Affair Recovery

One of the most common myths I hear about relationships is that once there’s been a betrayal the relationship is automatically over, and sometimes it is. But many relationships have recovered from affairs and betrayals and created a new relationship built on trust. I assist clients in understanding the affects of the betrayal, what happened leading up to the betrayal, and ways to create open communication, stability, and contentment. 

Couples have told me I have never been closer with my partner. We’ve built a new marriage and while I wish I never cheated we both agreed we could have never been as happy if we didn’t go through this. 

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I love working with relationships because a healthy relationship has long-reaching benefits to physical health, mental healthy, parenting, and life satisfaction. If you’re interested in knowing more or you have a question about something I didn’t mention please feel free to contact me for a 15 minute consultation. 

 

 

Please note at this time I am unable to accept insurance for relationship counseling.